Resilience: What Would You Change?

Resilience is a word we hear often, especially when life feels hard. But I’ve come to believe it’s not just something we reach for in difficult moments—it’s something we can build along the way.

In my book, The Long Way Here, I share a story called “What Would You Change?” It’s a simple question, yet one that has a way of stopping us in our tracks. When we sit with it—really sit with it—it brings forward the unexpected turns, regrets, and detours we’ve experienced. The moments that didn’t go as planned. The choices we might revisit. The chapters that felt disruptive at the time.

For me, one of those moments was my move to California in 1993. It was a significant shift, both personally and professionally, and one that challenged me in ways I didn’t fully anticipate. I often say it disrupted my footing—and I’m not talking about earthquakes. At the time, I didn’t think of it as building resilience. It simply felt like navigating change. But looking back, that’s exactly what it was.

Resilience isn’t about wishing things were different. It’s about how we choose to move through what is. It’s the ability to find your footing again when life shifts beneath you, to grow through adversity, and to move forward not in spite of your experiences, but because of them.

The good news is that resilience is not a fixed trait. It’s something we can develop.

I see this every day in my coaching work. I’m currently working with a woman who made a simple but powerful decision: she wanted to become more resilient. Not harder, not busier, not pushing through at all costs—more resilient. She’s learning to pause instead of reacting, to let go of what she cannot control, and to choose how she shows up even when things don’t go as planned.

The impact has been meaningful. At work, she’s more grounded and less thrown off by shifting priorities and unexpected challenges. At home, she’s more present, bringing a steadiness that wasn’t there before. And perhaps most telling of all, others are noticing. There’s something about resilience that people can feel. It creates a sense of calm, trust, and possibility. People are drawn to those who navigate life’s ups and downs with intention and grace.

Resilience doesn’t mean life gets easier. It means we meet life differently. And over time, that changes everything.

A Gentle Reflection

What would you change?

And how might those experiences—the unexpected turns and detours—be shaping the resilient person you are becoming?